“I fully believe you believe you were raped.
You are incorrect.
The man stopped when you told him to do so. You unjustly got him kicked out of school. You *should* feel guilty. It shouldn’t consume you now, but it was wrong. If I were that guy, I would have gone after you for slander, especially after reading your own report of what happened.
It seems clear that you were surrounded by a bunch of people who encouraged yourself to equate regret sex with unwilling sex. Lord knows I have had sex I regretted many times, but that does not mean I was raped. By claiming what you experienced was rape, you are trivializing actual instances of rape.
I want to emphasize I don’t believe you are being dishonest, but you are sorely mistaken. It would be unfortunate if other young girls read this and followed you in your error. You should seek that guy out and apologize to him for getting him kicked out of school, and have an adult conversation about what happened.” – my most recent comment by a person who calls themselves Captain Fantastic
Read what I wrote again… read it and tell me when I told this guy it was okay to put his penis inside me. I’d like to know when I said that was okay. Then think about being a 17 year old girl, a minor, who’s only sexual encounters had been within the bounds of a monogamous relationship and had come after trusting and loving the person she was in the relationship with. Think about how it must have felt then to suddenly have a person thrusting his sexual desires on you before you had a chance to even think. Think about how it must have felt to be pushed so hard against a bed that you can’t breath. Think about how it must have felt the next day when dark bruises appeared on your arms, or the days following when you had to sit in class and get sideways glances from the man who put them there.
Then tell me I had “regret sex” with him. Tell me I had ”regret sex” with a person and then tell me that I should feel guilty about it. People who have this opinion are exactly the reason why I have to keep sharing this story with young girls. Because you are right, there is a difference between “unwilling sex” and “regret sex.” It’s called consent. Here’s the definition from the Merriam-Websters Dictionary
verb (used without object)
Consent, by this definition, means that you’ve said you want to have sex with someone. If you are attempting to have sex with someone and they haven’t said “hey yeah that’s a rad idea, let’s bone down!” then I dunno… maybe DON’T HAVE SEX WITH THEM.
I walked around for months thinking I had done something or said something to make this guy think that I wanted to have sex with him. I spent long nights awake thinking about why I still felt so violated about something that was obviously just a weird grey area one night stand type deal. But I had never had a one night stand before. I didn’t know what those were supposed to feel like. One night stands are still consensual sex as it turns out, and sure, you can regret them, but at some point during a real one night stand, it’s pretty clear that both parties totes want to play hide the salami with someone, even if that someone is a total stranger.
What I had with this guy wasn’t a one night stand. I went up to his room to “pick something up” and before I had time to even question why, we were having an extremely rough and fast sexual encounter that I had never had time or chance to say yes to. Tell me I should feel like it’s my fault because I didn’t get my NO out fast enough. Tell me I should feel guilty for letting the school know about something that had been destroying me for months. Tell me I should walk up to this guy and apologize for letting him rape me. Please… I dare you.