Ed Farty

The saddest thing about trends is that most of the time the people following the trend have no idea why or what the trend means or where it came from, they are only following it because they are programmed followers.  I would like to believe that if all the young girls out there knew that uggs were made from dead baby sheepskin, they probably wouldn’t wear them.  You know, for humanity’s sake.  But sometimes I think people are just so stupid that they don’t even care.  Case in point, Ed Hardy.

I don’t really need to go on and explain Ed Hardy to you do I?  You know what it is.  A line of clothing with a bunch of weird tattoo drawings kinda stuck all over it so it kinda looks like a tattoo flash book threw up on it?  You know?  Ok fine… it looks like THIS:

stare at the horror

Much like Ugg boots and girls who say “theeeeenkkkkyaaaaaww,” the Ed Hardy brand has become a way to know right away what type of person you are dealing with when you meet a stranger, namely a tacky, materialistic Neanderthal that will probably threaten to punch you because you “breathed at him the wrong way.”  The other day I saw a father/son combination pack of awful.  The man was wearing head to toe Ed Hardy, the son was wearing the exact same outfit in miniature form, complete with an Ed Hardy shirt, Ed Hardy two piece sweat-suit, Ed Hardy sneakers, and a finely groomed display of spiky hair sticking out of his Ed Hardy plush visor.  I tried not to breathe at all for fear of spooking the beast and its unruly offspring.

"me cave man. me like tattoo shirt cause it make me look tough!"

Ed Hardy is really a man named Donald Edward Talbot Hardy, a 65 year old tattoo artist from California.  He studied the art of traditional japanese tattooing in Japan in the 70s and despite receiving a fellowship to Yale, pursued his passion to be a traditional tattoo artist.  Hardy has written many books on tattoo art and has a brand, Hardy Marks, which he licensed in 2004 to Saks and more importantly, gave his brand over to this man:

Christian Audigier

Christian Audigier is a french fashion designer and entrepreneur.  Despite the fact that no one who wears Ed Hardy knows his name, Christian Audigier has controlled the last two major trends in tacky, over priced, dribble focused directly at poor materialistic white trash America; namely Von Dutch and Ed Hardy.  Yes… remember in 2002 when everyone was wearing $50 trucker hats with the name Von Dutch* screen printed on them?  Remember that?  Yep… we can hold this man fully responsible for that.  Wanna invent a time machine and go back in time to when Christian Audigier was just a sperm floating around in his daddy’s coconuts and go and convince his mom that the lord needs her so she should become a nun so that we can save humanity yet?  I know I do…

Don Ed Hardy in his youth, before the dark times

So what these trend followers don’t know is that despite the fact that this brand is based on the work of a lowly tattoo artist from southern California with humble beginnings, the brand was created by a douchey french dude who has become rich by exploiting American artists and craftspeople, not to mention the wallets of the American public.  Not that Mr Donald Edward Talbot Hardy is entirely blameless, since he’s a total sellout and lives in a mansion in Hawaii, which was bought by manipulating the American public into buying cheaply made clothing stamped with tattoo flash that he ripped off from japanese tattoo masters who can barely afford rice and probably live out their days in little shacks hidden in the mountains somewhere, their fingers blackened by ink, their hands sore from their toils, wrapped in blankets, huddling together to keep warm, so much talent brought them so little… but I digress.

But yes, let’s all keep buying Ed Hardy.  Let’s get Ed Hardy baby clothes for our babies!  It’ll be awesome!  We don’t know why it’s awesome, we just know that someone told us it was awesome so it’s AWESOME!!!!

Awww look at little Tyler in his onesie coated in vomiting skulls!!!

Disclaimer #1:  I really don’t know Christian Audigier… maybe he’s a nice guy and he’s certainly a smart guy when it comes to trends. However, judging by what he’s done to the fashion world I’d say Mr Audigier is kind of like glitter; tacky, over glamorized and once you find yourself in the presence of it it’s somehow everywhere and you can’t get rid of it no matter how many times you clean.  Apparently he redesigned a line of Cadillac Escalade SUVs that were deemed too tacky for production. I wonder what he will come up with next**?

Disclaimer #2: I just made that stuff up about the japanese tattoo artists.  They are probably doing just fine.  I just have a vivid imagination when it comes to things that make me crazy with hate, like exploitation.

*Oh and guess where Von Dutch is now?  Cutting their prices in half and oh… looks like their online store is “closed for remodeling… mmmmhmmmm… sure…  I can’t wait for Ed Hardy to follow suit. It’s only a matter of time.

**Check out Christian’s line of velour tracksuits!  I know what I’m getting for everyone for Christmas next year!!!

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