Today is the 30th anniversary of John Lennon’s pointless murder, which always makes me so sad to think about. So to try to distract myself from the sadness in my heart that someone could be so mindless and cruel, I’d like to make a list of stupid things that humans do. It is divided into several categories. Stupid things humans do to get famous, Stupid things humans do to themselves, and Stupid things humans do to each other.
Stupid things humans do to get famous:
- Murder a famous person for attention. Yeah… this just makes you look like an asshole and it makes everyone want to kill you. Great job…
- Have adulterous sex with a famous person and then tell the news. Wow, you got famous for being a total home wrecking whore. How dignified.
- Go on a reality tv show and make a fool of themselves in various ways. Yes, the world is better for having seen you vomit several times at a bar and then have unprotected sex with your roommate and then cry about it the next day and wonder why people are judging you. Really?
- Pretend that your kid tied himself up to a chair attached to a weather balloon and floated away when he was actually hiding in the attic the whole time. You had the whole community frantically searching for your child, wasting time and energy on a completely fruitless effort. Thanks…
- Throwing yourself off Niagra Falls in a barrel. 15 people have done this, 5 of which died trying, yet none of them ever got famous for it. It’s the stupidest thing ever. Why are people so stupid!!??
Stupid things that humans do to themselves:
- Plastic surgery. Think about it. Have you ever met anyone that looked BETTER after plastic surgery? Well, except for maybe people who need reconstructive surgery from accidents and stuff. Seriously it makes me wonder how all those Hollywood actors are going to look in 30 years. Probably a bit like a cross between taxidermy animals and Michael Myers.
- Earlobe stretching. There’s a reason why earlobe stretching practices died out thousands of years ago. Because it makes your ears look retarded. A culture that has the technology to put rockets in space doesn’t need to stretch their earlobes anymore to impress each other. Just sayin…
- Anorexia. Only humans could come up with such a stupid disorder. Trust me, I’ve got my fair share of issues but this is one disorder I just don’t get. I totally get obesity. Food is so great. Wanna know why? Because you need it for survival!!!!
- Genital mutilation. Do I need to continue? I didn’t think so.
- Facial Tattoos. Yeah it’s cool now, until your grandkids are afraid to look at you:
Stupid things humans do to each other:
- Bullying. “I will make fun of you until you kill yourself and somehow I will not feel bad about it because it is in my nature to do so!” Guess what… We have a written language and technology now. We aren’t allowed to be cruel to each other without remorse. That’s what animals do. We can’t use that excuse anymore because we can talk and send things into space. Sorry… that is the way it is.
- Sexual/Religious/Racial discrimination. “You are different from me and that scares me so I will make you suffer!!!!” Yeah, that makes us basically as stupid as chickens pecking at each other in a barnyard. Sorry, as a result of our enlarged brains, we don’t get to have that right anymore. Example here.
- Road rage. “Hey RETARD!!! That green light means I GET TO GO and YOU GET TO STOP!!! You #%*!@#ing #$%&hole!!!” I’m not sure what it is about being behind the wheel that brings out this vicious side of humans. Perhaps its the horsepower under the hood or the fact that we are controlling a large moving piece of metal that can leave a path of destruction in its wake, but it’s out of control sometimes. We’ve all done it. It doesn’t make it any less pointless. Why are we so dumb?
- Cheating. Why do people cheat on each other? I mean you know you are gonna get caught, and in fact I think that’s why people do it in the first place because they secretly want to shit all over their lives. It’s classic monkey brain trying to take over again. Especially famous people, who are followed everywhere they go and usually have money so that people can and will blackmail them. What were you thinking, Tiger?
Yes… humans are very stupid. I’m surprised we’ve been so successful as a species. The fact that we haven’t wiped ourselves out yet is astounding to me. I have little moments sometimes where I think humans are amazing and awesome, then I look at photos of this passed out drunk guy that got drawn on by people who he thought were his friends and I think, maybe not? I hear strangers screaming profanities at each other in the streets over something as mundane as not paying attention to a green light and I think we all deserve what’s most definitely coming to us eventually. I remember events like John Lennon getting shot by a fucked up dude and I think there is no hope for us. But then I listen to John Lennon’s music and I think to myself, if we are capable of making such beautiful things, and are capable of creating and celebrating things like love and peace… maybe there’s hope for us yet.